I'm Sorry
by M14.99
Summary: Renesmee has a human friend. If she has learned anything from her parent's story, is that humans are fragile. And all it takes is one little mistake.


We were going to a party. You didn't want to go, but I made you, because I felt like you needed it, even though I now know I was terribly clueless. But I really did love you, Juniper, you were my only human friend that knew I was a vampire, and just looking at you was enough for me to be hit with a wave of sudden joy, though at that moment in the car as we went to the party, I didn't quite know whether the high was from my emotions, or from the drinks that I had before leaving for the party. Either way, it left me with a fuzzy feeling in my stomach.

 _"_ _What?" You asked me when you caught me looking. I only chuckled softly to myself, shrugging._

 _"_ _Nothing," I said. "I'm just happy to be your friend." You paused for a moment, before your face lit up with a smile._

I thought it was beautiful, even if it wasn't as beautiful as a vampire's smile would be. I always thought your smiles were beautiful. Because for you, it was real, a true expression of emotion, with your accelerated heart rate, the sweeter smell of your blood, and the heat of your cheeks as you blushed. I craved that, for it made me feel human as well. And I now know I wouldn't want you to lose that, so I'm glad you're not like me. You remained you.

 _"_ _Aw, Ren, that's so nice," You replied. "I'm happy to be your friend as well." We exchanged more smiles, before we fell into a moment of silence, both of us comfortable, even though others our age may not have been._

I have to thank you for that, Juniper. You made me feel okay with what I was, who I was, with being myself. You didn't need me to perform, or to sit still and look pretty. You didn't need me to live vicariously through. I felt that in the car that night, and as I glanced back over at you, I felt a yearning to be like you. Human.

 _"_ _You know how I, uh, you know, am a-" I huffed; I was never one to be anything but loquacious. You glanced over at me, and laughed, and even though I was embarrassed, I couldn't help but laugh as well._

 _"_ _Did you drink already?" You asked, raising an eyebrow._

But you didn't even doubt me. You trusted me still, even when I was doing what all those PSA's warned us not to do.

 _I rolled my eyes. "Only a little, but you know it doesn't affect me." You raised an eyebrow again. "But I did want to ask you something." I turned serious._

 _"_ _About you being a vampire?" You asked._

I never got to thank you for being so understanding, for being so easily trusting of a vampire, of a monster. I didn't thank you that night. I wish I had, I should have. I hope you know now.

 _I simply nodded, keeping my eyes on the road to avoid looking at you, not wanting to be embarrassed. I felt too sober to be doing that right now, but I sucked it up, and continued on with the topic of me not being exactly human. At least you were okay with it._

 _"_ _Yes. And I want to ask you a question," I said, but you were still smiling softly. "Juniper, this is serious." You fought to keep your smile in, and when you couldn't succeed, I only sighed. "If something were to happen, would you want to turn into a vampire?" This you took seriously. You turned sharply to look out the window, and I could hear as your heart beat with anxiety, could smell as the adrenaline coursed through your veins. I suddenly regretted not hunting the day before._

 _"_ _No," You finally said, before glancing nervously over at me. I remained stoic_.

I knew that scared you and made you nervous. But you must know, I would never hurt you, I cared too much to ever hurt you, even though I didn't always show my emotions. It's just that vampires have a hard time with expressing emotions through their muscles. We're too stony; our muscles don't relax like that automatically.

 _"_ _Even if you were dying?" Way too sober. I could feel the emotions pile up inside me at the thought of my one true friend dying. But like everything, I boxed up that unwelcome emotion, pushing it to the back of my mind to be worried about later, when I was a little less sober. You seemed to ponder this._

 _"_ _Even if I was dying," You admitted, and I bit my lip, not too keen on the idea that I would lose you one day. But my aunt did warn me about what it meant to be friends with a human. "You'll respect that?"_

 _I was also told that this could happen. That the people I told about vampires, wouldn't want to be one. And my aunt drilled it into my brain that some people wouldn't choose to become a vampire, and that their choice should be respected, even in death. I nodded._

 _"_ _Of course I will Juniper," I promised, taking your hand and giving it a light squeeze. You smiled._

Wherever this finds you, Junie, I hope you know that I did respect your choice, and if I had to do it all over again, I would still respect it. I would just want to have to make that choice later in life when you were older and wiser, and not a teenager like me.

 _But that was the end of our talk about vampires, because that was when we had finally arrived at the party. I liked parties, high school parties. I would never tell my parents that, but I liked being like every other teenager, drinking cheap beer, listening to music at an obnoxious volume, smoking, and generally being the stereotypical teenager._

You weren't a fan, but I dragged you along. I'm sorry I did that to you, Junie. I'm sorry I didn't make you feel welcome, or wanted, when I hung out with those girls. Would you believe me if I told you it was because I was a stupid, impulsive teenager? Wherever you are right now, you shouldn't. I wouldn't.

 _"_ _Ren!" My other friend, Kaia, squealed. I beamed, hugging the other girl._

 _"_ _Hey Kaia!" I laughed, both of us giggling together. Another girl came up to me._

 _"_ _Hey Ren." She smirked, high fiving me. I smirked back at her._

 _"_ _Are you ever out of your basketball uniform, Aspen?" I teased, and Aspen winked._

 _"_ _Never," She smirked, slapping me in the back as a friendly gesture before moving on._

 _"_ _Hey, we thought you were never going to show!" Madison squealed at me, another one of my friends, and I laughed. "Were you really going to let us lose at beer pong?" I smirked._

 _"_ _And lose my title as beer pong champion?" I drawled. "Not a chance."_

 _You trailed along behind us, and I caught your eye briefly, feeling a small stab of guilt, but I was whisked away by Kaia and Madison before I could really dwell on it._

But Junie, I promise I felt guilty. Of course, you still shouldn't forgive me for how I acted, but I promise I felt bad. Though it's still pathetic of how little guilt I felt. I am sorry for that. And I'm sorry that I never saw that when you were here.

 _"_ _I'll find you later, 'kay Junie?" I called out to you, but I never knew if you heard, since I could only see the top of your dark hair._

Looking back on it, I should have gone after you, and maybe it would have stopped everything from happening. But then I remember that it was me who was driving. I didn't think of that, though.

 _I didn't fret about you for too long, instead following Kaia eagerly as I was led to the group of boys that were from our school._

 _"_ _Hey Ren, finally decided to join the party!" Matt said, smirking. I smirked back._

 _"_ _Would I have missed it?" I drawled, and I saw as the boys drooled, and the girls craved to be a part of my friend group. I smirked, and Matt smirked back at me, handing me a drink._

I loathe admitting, Junie, but I basked in that, in the superficial attention, in the drinks and the fun and the shallowness. And I'm sorry.

 _"_ _I was starting to think you would never show." Matt sneered, and Kaia laughed._

 _"_ _Yeah, we thought you were going to ditch us for the bookworm." Kaia laughed, and I rolled my eyes, taking a swig of the beer._

And goddamn it, Junie, I actually laughed with them. I laughed with them even after I told you how important you were to me. I don't know if you can, or if I can even let you, accept my whole 'I-was-a-young-teenager' excuse anymore. It seems inadequate, even though 'I'm-sorry' is starting to feel inadequate too.

 _"_ _I wouldn't miss a party just for her." I rolled my eyes, and my friend smiled at me._

I'm sorry Junie. I know you heard me when I said that. You didn't deserve that. Can you still believe me when I say how important you are to me? Did you still believe that? Or did you start to doubt it? Did I hurt you beyond repair? I know I did, and I hope I'll see you again, one day. But vampires don't have souls, of course. And if they did, I don't have my soul anymore, not after I hurt the one person outside my family that I loved.

 _"_ _I would hope not. We'd start thinking you prefer her over us." Kaia pouted, and I laughed._

 _"_ _Do you really think I do?" I smirked, and Kaia smirked back at me._

Again, I laughed with them. Why? You never deserved that, not from someone who called you their friend. And if I'm honest, Junie, I did prefer you. I had fun with them, sure, but I wasn't happy. I was self-conscious, doing everything to make them like me, to maintain their attention. Of course, that isn't an excuse and it doesn't change what happened. But it's an explanation and I hope it's a good enough explanation for you.

 _"_ _If you do, you're definitely not the real Renesmee Cullen," Kaia said, and I hugged my friend._

 _"_ _Well, you shouldn't doubt that. I'm pretty real. I just felt sorry for her." I shrugged indifferently, and the girls snickered around me. "Let's go dance." I dragged Kaia, Madison and any other girl who wanted to dance with the exclusive Renesmee Cullen out to the dance floor. 13 songs and a huge amount of drinks later, it was time for beer pong._

 _"_ _Who's down for some beer pong?" I asked, walking, well, swaying, over to the table. With my vampire abilities, I had no trouble with sinking every ball. But surprisingly to me, I missed a few. It was kind of embarrassing, but I shook it off._

That should have been a sign, since vampires, even half vampires, never miss. And no, Junie, that's not me being a cocky vampire, even though I know you loved to call me that. It's the truth. And yet my oh so superior self didn't notice that. How disappointing. How regretful.

I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you. I'm sorry I didn't apologize, truly and sincerely. I'm sorry I said what I did, and lie like I did. I'm sorry I overestimated my tolerance. I'm sorry I didn't learn that words hurt. I'm sorry.

 _Instead, everyone laughed, and I laughed as well, blaming how drunk I was. But I still won beer pong, which I was happy about. I was giddy with my high, I never had experienced that type of drunk with my friends before, and it made them more enjoyable. Everything was funny, and exciting. And lucky for me, I was still pretty coordinated, not even slurring my speech._

 _Eventually, things started to die down, and I decided to head off. "I have to find Juniper," I said to no one in particular._

Even though, looking back, I hate myself for feeling this way; I won't disrespect you and deny those awful things I said and felt. Not when they hurt you so bad. I was slightly annoyed that I had to find you, annoyed with you, angry that you weren't there with me to shower me with attention. I'm sorry. I know now how utterly cruel and callous I was with you at that party. I hurt you.

 _I found you, sitting off on a couch in a room without much people around. I scowled. "Why're you down here, Juniper?" I snapped, and you jumped, startled by my sudden appearance. You hastily wiped your eyes, and I narrowed my eyes in confusion. "Were you crying?" I asked disgustedly. I glanced around me, huffing impatiently, and you glanced up at me nervously._

Oh, Junie, I hate how I sounded. I despise how I sounded. For real, I didn't care if you cried in front of me, but I made you feel inadequate and invalid with your sadness when I asked you that. I made you feel stupid for feeling sad, and I'm sorry. I made it seem like I didn't care. But I did. I do.

 _Your lip quivered. "No," You whispered, getting up, and walking away from me. "Let's go."_

 _I glared at you, before walking briskly ahead of you, getting into the car and starting it, scowling as I waited for you to get into the passenger seat._

 _"_ _You're driving?" You scowled at me, and I bared my teeth._

 _"_ _It's my car, of course I'm driving," I snarled, and your eyes widened in shock. You're heart rate sped up, and your blood grew sweeter with adrenaline. And the fear. It was intoxicating. Never had I ever threatened you with anything vampire related, yet there I was, baring my gleaming white teeth, as if I wanted to sink my fangs into your neck. And, even though deep down below my drunkenness, I felt guilty, I actually did want to drink your blood, and I actually enjoyed the fact that your heart beat sped up when you saw my bared fangs, and I loved how your blood pumped with adrenaline. I inhaled, savouring the scent, and I took your wrist forcefully._

I don't know what I was going to do, Junie, but I know it wouldn't have been good. You didn't even try to escape, as if you knew that I would bite you all along. But your voice broke me out of the spell I was in.

 _"_ _Renesmee, please," You whispered, and that seemed to snap me out of whatever haze I was in. I sat back in my seat sharply, eyes jerking to the road, avoiding any contact with you._

 _We sat in stony silence, you in fear, and I in some emotion that I could not identify, but I boxed it up, and shoved it to the back of my mind. I could hear your heart and feel the heat of your skin as you flushed with the anger that was coursing through you._

It was intoxicating. I wanted to drink your blood so bad, and I honestly don't know what prevented me from doing so. Especially when I felt my own anger boil.

 _"_ _Do you have something to say to me, Juniper?" I growled, and you glared at me. Your eyes widened._

You must have seen my black eyes, but you shouldered on. I have to give you that, Junie, since you knew I was a vampire. You knew it was risky and yet you fought for yourself. I'm sorry I made you feel like you had to.

 _"_ _Nothing. I'm sure you'd rather be with your real friends." You scowled. I clenched my jaw._

 _"_ _Yeah, actually, I would. At least they know how to have fun, instead of moping around feeling sorry for themselves," I growled, turning to glare at you._

I'm sorry I said that to you. But to your credit, you glared right back.

 _"_ _Well then, I don't see why you have to drag me to these parties, if you hate me so much!" You shouted, eyes blazing._

I'm sorry that I made this your last belief about me. I'm sorry I didn't contradict your beliefs.

 _"_ _I'm trying to be nice!" I shouted, turning sharply to glare at you. "Maybe I feel sorry for you that you never get invited to anything, or that no one wants you at the parties," I hissed._

That wasn't true. I was lonely.

 _"_ _Who'd want to hang out with you guys? You're all just a bunch of bitches that tear other people down!" You shouted, your voice cracking slightly at the end. I bared my teeth again, seething._ _"I used to think you were different, Renesmee, but I'm starting to see that you're just like them, changing who you are to fit in," You said, voice soft and sad now. You turned to look out the window._

That made me angry, what you said, even if I had no right to be angry. But it did and I'm sorry.

 _My hands tightened around the steering wheel. "At least I'm not some anti-social nobody that has no life!" I snarled, turning to glare at you. "At least I matter enough that people don't forget that I exist if I stop talking for a few seconds! I can handle basic human interaction, and not go off crying when someone insults me," I sneered at you, and you bit your lip, eyes shining._ _"_ _At least people care about me. I'm not seen as worthless to those around me," I said, voice hard, and void of emotion. Cold, monstrous._

I'll admit, Junie, I felt the littlest ounce of guilt. But it was barely there, and I'm sorry I didn't care enough to stop. I knew how your dad walked out when you were a baby and how little your mother cared for you, having a stronger relationship with heroin than with you, shooting up for the majority of her day. I loathe admitting that I knew all this, and yet I used it to hurt you.

I'm deeply, deeply, sorry for that. If I could change anything, I would change that. Because you didn't deserve that, and it wasn't the truth. I cared about you, but I made you believe I didn't. Seems like that was the reappearing lie through the whole party, huh? That I didn't care? Wherever you are now, I hope you see that I do care. You don't have to forgive me, but I want you to know that I love you and miss you.

 _I heard as you inhaled sharply, and I could smell the salty scent of tears, before you hastily wiped them away. And that made me crave your blood even more. The smell of the salt, and the flush of your cheeks from your pain._

Vampires are monsters. Inflicting pain gives us joy, even when we hate ourselves for feeling that way.

 _"_ _At least I am human! At least I don't have to pretend to be like everyone else! You think you belong, but you don't! You're not human, and you never will be. You won't be like us!" You shouted, tears running down your face. I saw red. The human comment hit home, and, before I could think, I slapped you hard across the face._

Your comment hurt. A lot. But it did not justify me physically hurting you. I didn't even try to hold back. The pain I felt from your comment made my muscles weak, and I didn't hit as hard. But if I was simply angry, I would have broken your neck.

 _Your head snapped to the side, a bruise already forming across your jaw and cheek, and your hand instantly flew to your cheek, where the outline of my handprint was already there._

 _Your eyes were wide, your heart beating with an emotion so clear to me, so easy to read, and one that I dreaded to ever see on your face. Fear. And hurt, so much hurt. I could feel as the guilt began to consume me as I saw a tear fall silently down your cheek, leaving a trail. My heart instantly sunk, my eyes widening with guilt._

 _"_ _Junie, I'm so sorry," I whispered, trying to reach out for you. But you lurched away from me, leaning so far away that I thought you were going to choke yourself with the seatbelt. I made eye contact with you, and I felt as if I could cry at the look in your eyes, the pure fear that controlled you, and the pain and betrayal on your face._

I should have cried. I should have pulled over then and there, and cried, begging you for forgiveness. The thing that haunts me is whether you knew I was sorry. That I was deeply, deeply sorry for everything that I put you through that night. Do you know that now? If so, I hope you can forgive me, eventually.

 _"_ _Just take me home," You whispered in a voice so small that if I wasn't a vampire, I wouldn't have heard it. I could only nod robotically, looking ahead instead, trying to squash the guilt down._

I should have stopped the car. I should have hugged you. But you probably wouldn't have let me, not after I attacked you. Not when my eyes were black. Besides, you knew what black eyes meant.

 _The car was silent, and I could practically taste the fear that permeated the car. And to my immense guilt, it made me crave your blood even more. My eyes were black with thirst, and it took everything in my power to keep from lunging at your neck to drink you dry. "Please, Junie," I whispered. "Can you forgive me?"_ _I pleaded, turning to look at you._

Please, can you forgive me now?

 _But you simply ignored me, the tears still falling, and I couldn't do anything but replay the moments before I lost control, before I gave into the anger, and the moments after, the look of pure terror on your face. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the guilt, and glanced over at you._

 _"_ _Renesmee, look out!" You screamed, and I spun sharply to look ahead just as the road twisted north-east instead of north. I jerked the wheel to the right to avoid a head on collision with a tree, but even with vampire reflexes, and because of the alcohol I consumed, I was too slow to stop the car from spinning off the road, the passenger side of the car careening into a tree at 100km/hour, 20km above the speed limit, 40km above the appropriate speed the sign called for to take that curve in the road._

 _It was like everything else was at a normal speed, but I was in slow motion, and all I could do was watch as your head slammed into the glass, the broken window causing rivers of blood to flow down your face, and the sickening crunch as it cracked your skull, knocking you unconscious._

I miss you, Junie. But wherever you are, I hope you're happy, and I hope to god it was quick. Did you feel it? As your skull cracked, and you took your last breath? You must have known if you felt the glass. I just hope it was quick. I hope that doesn't sound callous, but I didn't want you to suffer. I didn't want you to feel any more pain.

 _Once the car stopped moving, I crawled out of the car, and ripped the passenger side door off of its hinges. The car was warped around your legs, and I had to use my vampire strength again to pry the car apart, wincing at the sight of your crushed legs, both definitely broken. I held my breath, the blood taunting me, and I barely fought the monster, urging me to sink my teeth into your neck. But the blood looked so delicious, red and bright and living._

 _It would have been so simple. The coroner would blame your wounds as the reason for the loss of blood. I could get out of the accident in no time. There were no witnesses, as long as I mangled the licence plate enough, no one would know who the car belonged to. Of course, the brand could easily tell the police who it belonged to, but my family could be gone from the town in no time at all._

I was really going to do it, Junie. I was going to lose control and drink you dry. My own friend. I was going to kill my very own best friend in a sudden lapse of control.

 _"_ _Renesmee, stop," Edward whispered in my ear as he pulled me away from you. "We have to call the police, we need to get the paramedics over here."_

 _That was when it dawned on me._

It was like the world imploded, and the pressure on my lungs, and stomach, and heart, everything, was unbearable. It was like I was drowning and dying and suffering along with you. Yet, I was the reason it was happening to you in the first place.

 _"_ _Oh my god," I whispered, hands flying up to my mouth as tears glistened in my eyes. "This is all my fault." My hands fluttered over your mangled body, your face and dark hair shining with blood._

And even then, I wanted to drink you dry. I'm disgusted by the way I acted, and I promise I felt bad. I promise I felt something. I felt for you. I'm so sorry.

 _"_ _Honey, don't think like-" Bella began, but I yanked my arm away._

 _"_ _No, it is my fault!" I screamed, hands clenching my hair. "I was the one insisting to drive even though I was drinking. I was the one who ditched her at a party that she didn't want to be at, and said horrible things about her. I was disgusted with her when she was crying because of what I said about her." I sobbed, clutching your hand in my own. "I was the one blaming her, and I was the one who told her that she was worthless! Did you know her mother's high on heroin almost every day? That she leaves Juniper alone for weeks on end? That her father walked out on them? Because I did! And I still told her she was worthless, that I don't even care." I kicked the car door, sending it flying into the tree. "I was the one who hit her, who made her fear me. The last thing she was thinking was that I hated her before she-" I broke off, sobs choking my throat._

Can I still say sorry? Or is it losing meaning as I continue to say it? I'm going to say it anyways because I don't know how else to show how much I regret what happened. And how much I need you to forgive me.

 _I closed my eyes, trying to sort through everything I was feeling, the guilt, the grief, the pain, but, unlike every other time, I could not package it into little boxes, and put it in the back of my mind._

 _"_ _You can't ignore it, Renesmee," Jasper whispered. Edward looked at him in confusion. I was blocking my true thoughts, preventing him from hearing, but I couldn't hide what I was feeling._

 _"_ _What should I feel? How should I feel?" I sobbed, and Jasper gave me a pitying look._

 _"_ _Oh, Renesmee, that's not for us to decide," He whispered. "It doesn't matter what we think, or feel about anything. Maybe we influence what you feel, but we don't decide it for you. You have to decide how you feel about everything. And if you feel the hate or the sadness or the anger that I know you feel regarding us, you should let that in, and you shouldn't try to be or think the way everyone else wants you to. You have to do it yourself."_

 _It suddenly occurred to me that the person in my family who I had the most conflicting emotions for between love and hate was the one to understand my turmoil the best._

Jasper has killed people too. But he doesn't make excuses for himself. And that was what made him the person I needed the most. He understood. And he understood how hard it was to feel okay with getting over my mistake. Because my mistake cost you your life. My best friend. And I can't find retribution for killing someone if I never get punished for my crime. If no one ever knows it was my fault. And I need that, Junie. I need to feel like I can atone for my sins. Because I don't think I can live with myself if I can't.

 _"_ _Renesmee, you know I can save her," Carlisle whispered and I looked up at him._

 _"_ _What if she doesn't want to be saved?" I whispered, glancing back down at you. "I know you don't want to be turned," I whispered into your ear, even though I knew my family could hear. "But you can still save yourself. Please, Juniper, fight and stay with us."_

 _Carlisle frowned. "You don't want to turn her?" Carlisle asked. "Are you sure?" I nodded._

 _"_ _It's not my decision. She doesn't want to be saved." I sobbed into my aunt's shoulder as she caressed my hair. "She doesn't want to be saved," I whispered sadly. Rosalie squeezed my shoulder. I glanced up at my aunt, and Rosalie smiled down at me._

 _"_ _I'm proud of you, Nessie," Rosalie said. "You respected her choice." I could only nod._

I've come to peace with your decision, and I've come to peace with my decision to respect your choice and not go with what I wanted you to do. I wasn't selfish for once, and you deserved that.

 _"_ _Come on honey, let's go, the police will be here soon," Bella whispered to me gently. I regarded my mother with cool nonchalance, trying to understand why she was saying what she was saying._

 _But it dawned on me. My mother was making my decisions for me. Deciding what was best for me, what would cause me the least amount of pain. But I didn't want that. I deserved to feel the guilt and the pain, of hurting you and causing this accident. I would deal with the consequences. "No," I said. "I'm going to stay until the police come, and tell them the truth, tell them it was my fault. And if Junie's mum wants to press charges, I don't want to fight it."_

Your mum didn't press charges, Junie, because she was found dead when the police tried to tell her. I'm sorry, Junie, even if I never liked your mother. She didn't deserve someone like you as her daughter, especially how little she cared for you. And I'm sorry I used that against you. I'm sorry I used it to hurt you.

 _"_ _Renesmee-" Bella started, but I burst into sobs, successfully silencing my mother._

 _"_ _This is my fault, Mom!" I cried, my chest heaving rapidly. "I crashed the car. I'm a terrible person."_

 _I felt as Jasper put his hand on my shoulder. "It was a mistake. We all make mistakes. But self-pity will not fix your mistake. Owning your mistakes and taking the consequences respectfully is all you can do. It may not fix the mistake, it may not heal the person you've hurt with your mistake, but you can make it easier to deal with."_

 _"_ _Thank you, Jasper," I choked, clinging to my uncle tightly, the grief almost too much. My uncle swallowed thickly, his own eyes shining due to the amount of grief radiating off of me._

 _"_ _I can lessen it, if you want," He whispered to me, but I shook my head._

 _"_ _Juniper deserves to be grieved over," I whispered. "Especially me, after all those things I said to her." I felt my heart clench. "No one else will grieve." I choked. "Her mother has been gone for 2 weeks already, and her father hasn't seen her in 16 years." Rosalie looked disgusted, and I knew that my aunt was thinking about her wish of having her own children, and how unfair it was that your mother had a child, yet she didn't even care for you. "I'm the only one here who can identify the body."_

I told the police it was my fault. They gave me a fine. I'm sorry I couldn't do more. I'm sorry your mother didn't care, and it was only me. I'm sure you wouldn't have wanted the person who killed you to be the one who grieved you the most, but it's true. I still miss you. I hope to see you again one day.

 _Edward sighed. "Renesmee, it will be okay." I turned to look at him, eyes watery, and I suddenly wanted nothing more but to be in his arms. So my father hugged me, so tight, like he was never ever going to let me go. And I liked that, I let myself relax, to embrace my emotions. He had always been there to save me, to protect me. I wanted him still, but I wasn't quite sure what I needed protecting from this time._

I wasn't punished, not like I wanted to be, but I did have to pay a fine, and now I work to pay that off. Well, not anymore, I've already payed if off, since it has been five years. I have plenty more years to come, Junie, and I would trade them all for a normal life with you back with me, alive.

But that's impossible, and even though I owned up to what I did, there was only so much the court could do with no witnesses and no charges pressed. I still donated 100 000 dollars to MADD with my money I saved up. I know that seems inadequate when you lost your life, but it's the best I can do.

The point of this, Junie, is to let you know, wherever you are, that I care for you. That I love you and you'll always be my best friend. Even though your mother and father made you feel worthless, I don't think you're worthless. I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry and I will be saying 'I'm sorry' for the rest of eternity, since that's how long I've got.

Until we meet again, my friend.


End file.
